I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i used baking grease as lip gloss
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
