Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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