God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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