I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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