Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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