i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
