Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
