I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
