i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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