As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
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Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
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Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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