I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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