no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
