I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
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Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
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Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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