Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
smell my finger.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
