We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
