i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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