8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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