I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
