I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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