respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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