How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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