I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
