Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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