he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
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After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
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Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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