Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
