he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
