She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
