My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize