Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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