He told me they were just razor bumps!
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
i need to put some appletini on your dick
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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