She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
