i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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