As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
True strength comes from lack of pants
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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