Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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