Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
