I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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