Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
