I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
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I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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