there's paper in my vomit.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize