shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
