apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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