i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
