and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
