she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
