I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
