If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
