I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
