I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
