I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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