was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize