Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
