my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
