Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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