Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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