I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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