You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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