I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
