im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You don't make any sense
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