Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
