Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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