why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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