"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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