my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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