I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I didn't notice because vodka
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
