I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
